2008年02月05日

パパたちに読んで欲しい〜パパがひとりで遊びに行くこと〜

先日、オットと話したことを覚書。


オットは、時々、ほんとに、ごくたまーーーーーにですが、ひとりで遊びに行くことがあります。

「ひとりで遊びに行く」とは、プライベートな飲み会や、オットの場合は、フットサルやバスケだったりします。
また、このエントリの趣旨から行くと、友人の結婚式等も含みます。

ひとりでと言っても、きわめて健康的な(肝臓と筋肉には負担かもしれないが)、遊びです。

ひとりで行くこと自体は、私は構いません。
どうぞ、行ってらっしゃいと気持ちよく送り出すことはやぶさかではないわけですが・・・

先日、オットがフットサルの予定があることを、1週間前まで黙っていました。
別に悪気があったわけではなく、土日ならともかく、平日の夜、仕事の後のことだったので、私とおいらの生活には大して重要じゃないだろうと思ったのかもしれません。
しかも、別の話しをしている流れで、たまたまそのことが発覚しました。

その数日後、今度は、友人の結婚式の2次会に行くということも発覚。
予定は2日後、しかも土曜日です。

私は、この2つの予定が、ギリギリになるまで私に知らされなかったということについて、大変憤慨しました。

なぜか。

もし、平日の夜にフットサルに行ったり、土曜日に友人の結婚式に行くのが私だったら、どうでしょう。
まず、おいらを一緒に連れていけるかどうか検討し、ダメなら、おいらの面倒を見てくれる人を探さねばなりません。
もちろん、筆頭はオットですが、オットがダメなら、託児やオット実家や友人宅など、片っ端からあたって探すのは、私自身です。

ひとりで留守番させられない子供もつ人が、ひとりで遊びに行くということは、代わりに子供の面倒を見てくれる人がいて初めて、可能になる行為なのです。

それは、父親だろうが、母親だろうが、同じリスクを背負っているはず。

しかし、オットは、そのリスクに気付きもせずに、非常に安易に行く約束をしました。
オットは暗黙のうちにおいらの面倒は私が見ているから、いつでも遊びにいけると思って、行く約束をしたのでしょう。
いや、そもそも、約束をした時点で、おいらのことも私のことも頭に無かったというのが正直なところではないでしょうか。

それは、裏を返せば、普段家にいておいらの面倒を見ている私を、軽視していることに他ならないと思います。
だから、私は憤慨したのです。

確かに、オットが仕事をしている間は、私がおいらの面倒を見る。
それは、お互いに家庭生活を営む上で協力しているわけだからOK。
私が仕事の時は、オットがおいらの面倒を見る場合もあります。
頻度や時間の長さで言ったら、私がおいらの面倒を見ている方が、圧倒的に多いわけだけど、それはお互い様だからね。

しかし、プライベートな時間は、子育てしてたら、特に子供が小さいうちは、ないも同然。
ちょっと大変だけれど、人生の中で、ほんの一時期のことだし、プライベートなんて無くてもいいじゃない!と私は思います。
そして、そもそも「無い」はずのプライベートな時間を、あえて作ろうとするなら、そこには手間をきちんとかけるべきだと、私は思うのです。

私だって、遊びに行くことはあります。
でも、多くはおいら連れだし、そうでなければ、おいらを託児などに預けて出かけます。
そこに手間もお金もかけている。
まして、夜間に遊びに出かけることは、とても稀。
というか、つい先日、とあるパーティーに出席したのが、おいら出産以来初めての夜遊びだったかな。

・・・

ひとりで留守番できない月齢の子供がいるのに、自分ひとりで出かけたいパパさんたち。

どうぞ、それがいつも通りの日常かもしれませんが、子供の面倒を見てくれる誰かに、きちんと感謝して下さい。
あなたが楽しんでいる間、あなたの大切な子供の安全と健康を守ってくれている誰かに、きちんと敬意を払ってください。

その誰かが、託児施設なら、お金で解決かもしれません。
あなたの実家なら、「甘え」ですむかもしれません。
でも、それがあなたの妻だったら、世界中の誰に頼む時よりも、ちゃんと感謝の意を表すべきだと思います。

身近な人に、ちゃんと感謝を表し、敬意を払うことって、難しい。
一番忘れがちだものね。
自分の肝にも銘じつつ。。。

rikipon67 at 21:22コメント(205)トラックバック(0)子育てに関する考察   mixiチェック

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